Will I ever be happy again after the loss of my only child?

Discussion in 'Other Useful Educational Tips' started by ItuExchange, Oct 6, 2016.

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    I lost my only child over seven years ago in the most awful circumstances. I try not to dwell on this, but on my good days I am just somewhere near "meh". On days when she is on my mind, I don't want to live anymore because I don't want to feel this pain ever again. That's most days. It doesn't feel like it will ever truly transform.

    I don't believe there is a pill for this. I'm especially interested in hearing from parents who've lost children.

    I’m a Photographer!

    I lost my only child suddenly one weekday morning. She was 16 years and 53 days old. May 16, 2006 was the worst day of my life, and will remain so. I have had happy times since then. 'Happy,' I realize now, is a choice, albeit an impossible choice to make at times. There is indeed a magnet in that reliving, trying to make sense of the senseless, PTSD...

    So much advice and yet the challenge is grabbing onto even seconds of relief and peace. It has been true, for me, as Lou mentioned in the answer above, that time passing has allowed me to expand my ribcage and breath again without imploding into endless sobs. Efforts made by people who have not lost a child are kind and heartfelt, however, our grief is unlike any other, and only we know this. There was only one person who was not in our predicament that truly impacted me. I have to say that David also has the same uncanny empathy. And when I hear that she would not have wanted me to suffer so, I know this to be true.

    There are so many ways that all of us in this horrific club walk through minutes, even seconds of our time without our child. I do think that it is different still when it is an only child, not necessarily more or less of anything, just different. Marti,mentions her grandmother and grandfather's loss, and how they coped by avoiding the topic. I think that this was a generational, or cultural manner of managing unspeakable pain. My ex-husband, Torri's father, tended towards avoidance of triggers while I seemed to dive into them. Now I see how his approach has allowed him to live life more fully.

    People direct me to the "good memories'. What they don't get is that when it is your baby, those memories are searingly painful, unimaginably wrenching. Going towards a good memory involves indescribable pain.

    I have a humor folder on my laptop and bookmarks on my browsers. I watched Kristen Wiig skits 5 times a day, and, eventually, I really did feel the fullness of real laughter.

    I will also say that I believe transformation to be a noble and high goal, but not unreachable.

    You have already lived with this pain for this long. You have already adapted to it. Please don't give up. You know how everything can change, for the worse, and for the better, in an instant.


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